Tag Archives: beauty

Hiding In Plain Sight

So, my seasonal job seems to have turned into a permanent position, which is fabulous. That was what I wanted to begin with. I figured that Christmas was a good time to get my foot in the door so to speak. Also, my kids have birthdays in the end of November and the beginning of December, so I figured that worst case scenario, I would make some extra loot during the holidays and have some experience in the field that I want to have an eventual career in.
Well, it is February now, and week 1 of the retail year, and I am still employed. I absolutely love it there. I have gotten quite a few positive guest feedbacks on our surveys that we invite all our patrons to take. I love the people that I work with as well (for the most part – of course there are a couple of people that I don’t get along with). It is all women save for one gay man, and they all are as obsessed with makeup as I am. It is fun to have a place where I can be around people who have the same passions as me, and I am privy to what new products are coming out as well.
The one single issue that I find that I have is the same one that I have had at every other job, hiding my history. For one, I feel that it would truly cost me my job. Not so much my past drug convictions or assualt arrest, but my numerous theft arrests and subsequent convictions. See, we have a problem with thefts at my store. Ironically we sell a good deal of what I used to boost, but thank God, I never stole or tried to steal anything from my store. There was a big crackdown a few years back on all of the pawn shops in Baltimore that took all of the stolen pharmaceuticals, so no one really has a place to sell that stuff any more.
No, no one is stealing razor blades or Olaay’s from my work. No, they go for fragrance. That and the Urban Decay “Naked” palettes.
Since I have been employed there, I have seen a fellow employee get fired for theft of some sort. I don’t thi that she was physically stealing so much as helping or enabling someone else to steal. Obviously I wou never do anything to jeopardize a job that I love in a field that I love, but would my manager see that? Or if she knew my record would suspicion always be cast my way when ever there is a theft during a shift of mine?
As for the new friends that I am making, would they still like me if they new that I am a recovering heroin addict? It is easy to say that if they would care then they are not people to be friends with anyway, but it is not that simple. I have a very hard time opening up to people and making friends. I don’t want to ruin any chance of making new friends by sabotaging my chance by revealing a past that they really have no business of knowing.
I do feel in a way that after all of the progress that I thought that I had made, maybe I haven’t made as much as I thought after all. Maybe I should be confident enough to say fuck them if they can’t handel my past. I feel like I have been able to own my addiction, but I guess that I am not as secure in myself as I thought. Or maybe, I am allowed to have some secrets. Maybe we all do. Maybe my past is none of their business as I honestly am an entirely different person than I was back then.

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Movin’ On Up?

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I wanted off by apologizing for not posting in a little over a week. Shit’s been hectic to say the least. I started working (yeah!) at Ulta Beauty. I was a little nervous to go back to work, as I have been a stay at him Mother since the middle of 2011. My husband was laid off about two months ago and has not started back to work yet, and it is Christmas time, so now seemed like a good time to start. I have been wanting to break into the beauty industry for awhile now, and Ulta is one of my favorite stores in the world. Stores always higher extra help around the holidays,so I applied. While it is only part time, it helps with money, and I love it. I get to work with makeup everyday, and my co-workers are awesome. Hopefully this leads to eventually becoming certified as a makeup artist.
I have also been busy with Thanksgiving and my children’s’ birthdays. My daughter turned 9 on November 28. I had to go into work at midnight on Thanksgiving and got off at six am on Black Friday. It sucked, but hey, I was off in time to celebrate my daughter’s birthday. My son turns 6 on December 11. Obviously, money is EXTREMELY tight the last couple of months in the calendar year.
As an addict in recovery, I find that staying busy is important. Fuck, it is vital, imperative to my sobriety. Boredom is one of the most dangerous things to a drug addict. Of course the first struggle is to get to the point where you are not waking up puking all over yourself, drenched in cold sweats, twitching, rolling around trying to get comfortable with shooting pain in your back, and restless leg syndrome. The mistake that people tend to make is that once the ills are gone they think that they are “cured”, that they are no longer an addict. Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way.
When you are in active addiction, you spend the vast majority of your day either getting high or doing activities that are somehow related to getting high (boosting, hustling money in some sort of way, trying to cop, ducking the police, etc). The immense amount of time that is freed up when you sober up is nothing to play with. You truly do not know how to fill your time. Often, you end up getting high, simply as something to do.
Of course, it is a good idea to stop hanging out with the people that you were using with, but sometimes people think that as long as they cut ties with their “get high@ friends, then they are safe. This does nothing to account for the devil that is within all of us. It sounds so cliche, but your addiction really does want to kill you. It will constantly try to trick you into thinking that getting high to relieve your intense boredom won’t hurt anything. Honestly, it might not hurt anything, that ONE time. The problem is that is very hard to keep it to that one time, and getting high daily WILL hurt.
Having something to do is the number one reason why I am so thankful to have gotten the job. The fact that it is in a field that I love is just a cherry on top!