In my opinion, or at least my opinion of my life, complacency and boredom are the most dangerous things to an addict in their recovery. I have been clean and sober for almost two years now (actually it will be two years next month), I am a stay at home mom at the moment. I love my children, and I am able to keep myself quite busy with the kids, bills, cleaning, etc, but I have too much time to think.
Actually this past week we had major flooding at my house, and I have had to shop vac out two and a half inches of water out. Then Servpro came and condemned everything and is going to rip up the walls because of deadly mold that will grow. It has been a absolute fucking nightmare. The one thing, the silver lining, I suppose is that we get to buy a bunch of new furniture.
This is not about my recent influx of excitement, however much dreaded it is. This is about my unending battle with the fact that brain did not come equipped with an off switch. Too much time on my hands lets my brain wander far too much. What is it that they say? Idle hands are the devil’s play things? Yeah, that is me all the way. Too much time equals trouble.
I am leaning towards going back to school to obtain a degree in social work. Makeup is still my passion, but I just feel this pull towards helping people. With my past and my record, my original vocation of choice -Elementary school teacher – is out. I have always had a fondness for social work.
In all actuality, I would like to work with children. There are a lot of children who need a lot of help. There are good CPS workers out there, but there are also quite a few asshole ones out there. In all fairness, many of these asshole workers were probably decent or even great workers when they started until they got burned out. Again though, with my past as an addict and my criminal record that proves my past as an addict. My most recent criminal charges are from 2006, but unfortunately some jobs (like teacher, child protection service workers) do not want to hire you if you EVER have had a criminal arrest. I totally disagree with the inability to forgive people’s past, but another can of worms.
So, I am leaning towards addictions counseling. It is more than just that addictions is a job of opportunity. I feel that for the first time in a really long time, I can do some good. Maybe I can stop a person or two from relapsing. If I could use my pain and suffering to help others that would be great.
There is a very selfish motive in all of this as well. I know that helping others with their addiction struggles will help me to maintain my sobriety. I can not very well tell people that I am going to help them with getting clean, if I am getting high on the side. The Buddha teaches us that it is far more fulfilling to help others than to help ourselves. I find this to be very true. We help ourselves by helping others.